Imagine this: It's your 8th hour into King Crimson's discography. Your head is tired of trying to keep up with the rhythm. You need to stop, yet you can't. You are addicted to prog. This scenario must not be too far off for our readers; you crazy people can recognize the exact date of a band lineup photo without reference. I'm pretty sure some of you can name every live show Rush has ever done, and their setlists. Of course, these are rarities. What, then, are the most common signs of prog addiction?
1- You can air drum to any odd time signature
Remember this guy? He is a physical manifestation of our whole prog community's hive-mind. We are so used to complex drum sections, polyrhythms, odd time signatures and weird fills that we can air-drum to these perfectly.
2- People never pass you the aux cable
You might have built up a rock-hard tolerance for 20 minute build-ups ending with a non-resolving chord, but don't be cruel to your friends! Even if you want them to listen, they won't let you.
At a party, the DJ will be warned about you beforehand. They gift you a pair of headphones every year for your birthday. And have they ever invited you to a road trip? Take a hint.
"A prog fan's wardrobe is about 90% merch" - A Greek philosopher in 500 B.C.
You might not go as far as shouting "A flowah?" when you pass by any single flower, but you proudly wear an illustration of Gabriel's amazing costume in your daily life. Maybe you have a few different colors, so that you don't have to wear normal clothes every now and then. And you save a precious custom printed merch in the event that Genesis comes into town.
If you don't already own one though, here's a link to buy the Genesis t-shirt in the picture.
4- You indulge in harmless snobbery
I am sure every prog fan cries to sleep thinking about the state of modern music. The mainstream music of our era consists of a straight trap beat, 4 chords, and these artists make millions. Why doesn't other people just get this and start listening to some quality music, such as Egg's Symphony No.2? As prog fans, even if we don't want to, we sometimes reflect these frustrations to other people. We are usually outed as the "music snob." But we mean good, don't we?
5- You treat listening to music as a standalone activity
Most people listen to music in the background of another activity. This is due to the absolutely scientific fact that most mainstream music is not all that interesting. Yet, prog music, with all its magic, creates a gateway to incredible new worlds. We love listening to prog, not because it makes us feel superior, but because we like drifting away in the stories that our favorite bands create with their music. We like listening to the wordless chat of the instruments, and the nuanced dynamic between each member of the band. We like listening to the dance of frequencies, and we like dancing to the frequencies. Thus, what better way of winding down is there than putting on your favorite prog record and just pointing your ears to it?